LENT

40 days to meditate
To ponder on your self worth
Wondering if you can do what He did

40 days of trying
Balancing not just your soul
But maybe a way of life

40 days managing
A slippery slope
One foot in the land of Oz

40 days of questioning
Not knowing
The results in 40 days

MSM ©February 18 2015

Empty Promises

echoing sentiments felt deeply within my soul
the old year passes-the new one dawns

years of promises made to myself
many ending without further thought

finally burdens are lifted liberating me
light has allowed my wings to grow

a new life awaits-no more empty promises
away I fly to a future unknown

MSM ©Dec 31, 2014

Closing Circles

Sighing deeply; I remember all that has passed and what is happening in the present. These last few years have not exactly been kind to me.  Not so much in the physical sense but more in the emotional sense.

Fiscal plans that did not exactly go as planned. Dear friends stretched out helping hands-without them I am not sure what I would have done.  They are-in truth- my true family.  Another first-at least for me-I must admit I finally hit that mythical glass ceiling.  A ceiling which never bothered me in past years but now-it exists.  They call it ageism.  Shhh! It is a secret that the world of employment doesn’t want you to know.  Unfortunately it is a truth that many of us will not be able to avoid.  They value the experience but are not in the market to compensate.  They prefer the younger less experienced with all the drama that goes with it.  However with that said, I am a fish that adapts.  *grins* At least I am not sushi!!  I will not be eaten!!

Now family feuds-there-it is not a game!  Unfortunately the saying of blood is thicker than water-does not apply-at least not in my family.  What used to appear as a tight-knit family has turned into a nightmare!  I am afraid that with the death of my Father-Mother was left to the mercies of a very ruthless family.  It is appalling what money will do to people.  Greed reared its ugly head and the infection went deep.  Mother felt it as it drained her will to live.  She uncluttered her life-which included people; she called it closing circles. Sadly, the people were members of her family. She left this life saddened by what she considered her failure.  It was not her failure but that of her own flesh and blood.  Vultures that circled live meat-picking at it until it finally died. What they never realized was that she finally closed circles-she knew who and what each person was.  They were too blind to see.  They wanted only the money and the property.  She had the last laugh-she gave it all to charity.  There was nothing left for any of them.

The Patriarch and Matriarch are gone.  Before they left this life, my parents were informed and yes I told them.  It was time for the blindfolds to come off.  It was not a move for revenge but rather an effort to help them realize what bastards their children had become. They took it upon themselves to investigate and found the truth they sought.

The life they had they built with honor; what they prepared for the family was for not.  They left a legacy-one of which I am proud of. However it was not what the siblings expected.

The siblings can and will continue to pick at one another but they will do it without me.  The drama they seek will not come from me.  Each one has had many things to hide-all of which I know but have never exposed to the world. However, they know I know and it kills them. 

Circles are closing-closing-closed.

A tremendous weight has finally lifted.  My life is now my own.  My wings are back and I fly.

MSM ©December 31, 2014

Enduring

Nightfall comes rapidly

Signaling the end of another day

Another day with you far away

We have endured many of such days

Days which have become the norm

There is so little time for us now

It has become heartache-at least for me

A test of endurance which is now never-ending

However it is not lack of love-just the frustration of non presence

The nights have other challenge-restless dreams

Ushering in the dawn with its many daily challenges                                        

Challenges to live life and not just pass the time

MSM ©Dec 2014

A quiet morning today

One that has opened up a path

The one inside her mind

A long forgotten image

Of 5 girls walking a mall

Happy, laughing-together

Dressed in tight blue jeans

Bright white sneakers

White blouses and bags

Typical teenage chatter

Growing in volume

As the window shopping continued

Sadly with time the 5 separated

Each growing a tail of sins

Especially against each other

The youngest-a poor student

Expelled from a public University

Later married as a necessity

The next one studied hard-very hard

A challenge along with some other hardships

Married finally but not a child to be seen

Middle girl was always a bully

Always had sticky fingers and thought she was cute

Her marriage has become a sham-no one speaks to her

Now you have the eldest of the group

Responsible for the rest

Shouldering responsibility not meant for her

Greed and arrogance guided three of the 5

The life lead was not what was taught

They turned on the eldest-hoping to destroy

In life there is payback-life does not forgive

The eldest defended herself but the taint

Of the others was difficult to remove

Now years later that taint is almost gone

It seems that tear made within her is almost healed

Or maybe it is the numbness that she feels

One tail after another

Bloating with poisonous ooze

Erasing the memory of long ago

 

MSM ©November 27, 2014

An Angel's Face

Her eyes look at me when she thinks I don’t see

The beams of hatred feel like shards of glass plunging into me

Her words cut my skin like tiny knives

She waits for my reaction; waiting to see me run

I have learned to bite my tongue; many times bleeding

The hurt inside is terrible; the years have done nothing to lessen

My protection has been the promise forced at a death

A death that should have released her but instead bound her

Her retaliation was then her words used against those I love

Forcing the abandonment she wants yet it only fueled that hate

She has put scars on my emotions; my psyche

I carry physical scars on my scalp and face-no one knows

Yet I can forgive and even forget

There are times where she is kind; I want to love her

Then she has to spoil it by saying

It’s her house and she hates me as she points to the door

MSM©Oct 2014

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Knocking on Heaven’s Door            

Runny noses and tears on my face

Painful scratches from the cats

Falling due to my own clumsiness

Breathing in the smoggy air

Feeling the heat of the day

Wishing for the cold weather to start

The taste of food that is yummy

And that taste that is so foul your stomach rebels

The memories which linger longer than you like

Anticipating that first kiss

This was not what you thought it would be

Until years later when you meet the love of your life

The sound of that virile voice

Quickening my pulse

As touching brings me full circle

Bringing forth a new life

Getting fat and lumpy

Hearing those first wonderful sounds

It is the feeling of emotions

The daily wave of joy and sadness

The occasional anger which stays or leaves

The rush of emotions

As politics are discussed

Debates won and lost

Meeting different people

Adjusting to different mentalities

Enjoying the experience of new cultures

They say that heaven is perfect

No couples, partners or individual love

No human touches-no sex

That is not my idea of heaven

Why would I want to not feel anything again

That is called death

Heaven is here-right on my doorstep

It is here on earth

Where my humanity is

This is where I will stay

Until my time is up

Until my humanity dies

Do not bury me but allow me to fly

My ashes spreading across the land and sea

Now just let me fly

©MSM October 2014