Adieu

The sweetness of the end of winter

Just before spring was about to bud

That was when we met-you and I

Mildly flirting with one another

Intensified with ease-more than we realized

Our emotions took flight on the wings of love

Fanciful thoughts-lust filled evenings

That was such a wonderful time we had

Walks on the beach-even if it was cold

It was worth it as we warmed each other up

Over time our love deepened inside of us

Yet somehow we started to topple

Our communications faltered

Misunderstandings grew-tempers flared

We made up time and time again

Slowly we sank into a comfort zone

Lovers yet not-the carnal desire gone

We went deeper than lovers

We became true friends

Soul mates not twin flames

Letting go and saying good bye

The sadness is incredible-painful

It hits you between the eyes

When finally a truth is unveiled

Forcing you to finally say-adieu

© 2010 8 september/cb

Labor Day

The sounds of the lawnmowers with the noisy motors jag my morning awake.  This time no sounds of birds or squirrels at play.  My daughter walks into my room with a look that would liquefy any who dared looked at her.

“WTF! Why all the noise!  It’s my day off-my weekend!”  She grumbles.

I just smile quietly as I know what her reaction would be should she actually hear laughter at her comment.  She has been working hard all week to have this weekend off; after all, it is Labor Day.   She stumbles back out of my room and into her bed; vehemently declaring that all gardeners are useless and should be put to death.

  

I finally finish dressing and take my time getting to the kitchen.  Things are strewn about the house and yes, most of them belong to my daughter.  The cats are lounging by the French-doors just waiting for me to allow them some freedom.  As I open the door they quickly scamper out with the exception of the younger one; he is still deciding if he really wants out or not.  I just leave the door open for him as I know eventually he will go out.  He does take his time in his decisions.  *giggles* He reminds me of the spoiled one sleeping right now.

I finish picking up the rest of the things, which include dishes left about, and place them in their proper spots.  She will deal with her laundry when she finally wakes – that is her thing to do – not mine.  Yes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree when it comes to stubbornness.  I am guilty of stubbornness as well. 

It has been over a year now; savings has been eaten up with just the little things to keep us afloat.  Groceries bought on a tight budget. One of the cars is now gone – not that it is needed at the moment but I know that we will eventually feel the need. I feel the darkness of an abyss right at my feet.  I am afraid to look down to see how close it really is.   This economy sure has had a horrible effect on everyone.  My daughter did not realize how fortunate she has been to have been offered a position in management right out of school.  It is just another sign of the times.  She became my competition when she graduated.  I have never told her how close we were to falling into pieces.  If I don’t find work soon – the house will be gone too. 

I walk into my office to start my work day.  There have been thousands of resumes sent out by the job boards and associations I belong to; so far no luck.  All the reasons in the world were given; too much experience, you earned too much, too much education, too little education; the list goes on and on.  The fact is that there are many like me; well qualified but just not enough work. 

Today, I pull out the want ads in the newspaper. I might have some luck as I used to post in the local papers when I needed to hire.  Who knows, Labor Day weekend could be my weekend to work.

Meanwhile, my daughter sleeps away the morning exhausted from her heavy work week.

© 2010 3 september/cb

Drift

Tossing and turning

The hum of the clock nearby keeps you awake

You close your eyes; you think..Okay now

Only to find yourself counting time

Counting sheep don't help anymore.

The night crawls along

Your pillows hold no comfort

Your mind is busy busy busy - no rest at all

Soon you hear the morning doves

You wonder if you slept at all

Mentally exhausted; physically fatigued

You turn again as the sun starts to rise

Your head finally finds that one spot

You drift into that twilight long sought

A few moments of blissful sleep finally found

© 2010 22 august/cb

No Pity

Tonight the air was thick with humidity

My skin sticky from the clinging moisture

There was no reprieve from the tortuous heat

I sit and watch you; a wounded animal looking for safety

The emotions crossing your face clearly displayed

Communicated your anger-frustration-darkness inside you

The noise of the ancient air-conditioning unit

Creaking on its last mechanical legs

Trying in vain to cool the air – to cool us down

Tonight we have fought; two desperate animals

Dragons breathing fire-not giving an inch

Our bodies showed no damage but inside we bleed

Your dark mood is out of control

The verbiage spewing from you has battered me

You have showed no mercy in the your pummels

Your breathing is still ragged from pent up rage

Much as your shirt clings to you as a second skin

Your eyes meet mine; I lose myself within its depths

You have taken me there; that place of darkness

With that voyage you make me open up; showed me how to let go

Within your pain a lesson you taught; you inspired me to fly!

It is with a harsh realization; reaction is swift

We do not belong together yet my soul cries out; asking for compassion

The answer I find within the depth of your eyes; no mercy given

No longer able to cool anything down; with a final creak

The ancient air conditioning unit finally dies

Silently I get up to open windows; instead I walk out the door

© 2010 17 august/cb

The Art of Living

My fear is not in the death of my fragile body

It is in the loss of my mind long before my body dies

As my body gives out-I want to remember!

I want to remember that moment of my birth

When I drew my first breath – feeling that shock of first awareness

My molecules at the most base level screaming  as they are torn apart

My strength growing with my joy of life – may I survive!

I want to age with the fluid grace of wrinkles and sagging skin

To finally die with dignity – without the disturbing prolonging of medical technology

I want my memories to be as varied- crystal clear-as my life was

Filled with the sadness, the happiness, the love and the disturbed

As I die - let me feel the pain of life as it flows out of me

In the end – my life should be a canvas

Where one can go and sit and wonder with awe

At the art of living – through the process of dying

© 2010 16 august/cb

Random Shit

Funny how the mind works

You think you have found a solution

Wham!  It turns out it was not a solution at all!

It only made matters worse

People talking shit-comments-stupidities

The news report negativity-wars-crimes-killings

Of course on the other side we have-politics!

Bla bla bla - just random shit on the airwaves

Advertisements getting creative

Talking chocolate being made to be eaten

Stuffed with talking pretzels inside

Brainwashing going on-some more random shit

City noises-buses-taxis horns blowing

Playground sounds rising from asphalt jungles

Tough guys growing up or dying on the streets

Parents worry about the random shit out there

Friends turning lovers then back again

Shenanigans all around-just lies and no truths

Seems that is what people want

There you go-that random shit hits again

The plain truth is that random shit just keeps growing

Piles here-piles there-fertilizer for the mind

The world out there is a pasture

Weeds, flowers, plants-just random shit

© 2010 16 august/cb

Bewildered

Look at me and tell me what you see

Is it the color of my skin?

Is it the way I wear my clothes?

Is it the cut and color of my hair?

Tell me what you think of my religion

Do I worship in a Church, a Temple or a Mosque?

Do I worship in the outdoors under the light of the moon?

Is my God-your God–our God-or is there a God?

Tell me what you hear

When I speak to you-When I offer an opinion

Is there an accent for you to hear?

Do you close your ears and block me out?

If I am different from you

Why is my blood the same color as yours?

Why do I hurt the same as you?

Why do I cry as you?

Do you expect me not to fight back?

Am I to bear all your insults and spittle?

Am I to stay silent just so you feel better?

Am I not allowed to fight back?

Look at me and just tell me

Is it my gayness, my religion, my political stance?

We are the same you and me

Why is it that you cannot see?

Tell me when it was that I lost my humanity

When you felt superior to me

When all you said was right and I became wrong

Tell me so that I can know-why you hate me so!

© 2010 13 august/cb