La Fea Mas Bella - Plain Jane

La Fea Mas Bella

Me quedé a tu lado incluso cuando no me veas
Me llevó todas tus preocupaciones sin que ni siquiera supieras

Mi belleza es muy anodino - incluso se puede decir fea
Sé que no soy un trofeo para mostrar y mucho menos quiere

Mi voz era un zumbido molesto - hasta que necesitas algo de mi
Entonces en ese momento - con una claridad – si escuchas mi voz

En algún lugar a lo largo de la línea, que finalmente te distes cuenta de que yo si estaba allí
Mi belleza interior finalmente estalló a través de ese escudo ciega tuyo

Sí, allí estaba yo ... pero demasiado tarde te das cuenta de esto
¿Cuándo empezaste a notar? ¿Cuándo comenzó ese momento de tener algún sentimiento por mí?

Ahora tu voz es el molesto zumbido en el oído
Un recuerdo lejano y un herido demasiado grande que obligadamente ha sido suprimida.

Yo soy la mujer fea que te quido con ternura y sin recriminación
ahora ... quien me dara socorro cuando yo lo necesito mas?

~~~

Plain Jane

I stood by your side even when you don't see me

I bore all your worries without you even knowing

My beauty is very nondescript - you can even say ugly

I know that I am not a trophy for you to display and much less want

My voice was an annoying buzz - until you wanted something

Then at that moment, with clarity you hear my voice

Somewhere along the line, you finally realized that I was there

My inner beauty finally burst through that blind shield of yours

Yes, I was there...but too late do you realize this

When did you start to notice? When did you start to have any feeling for me?

Now your voice is the annoying buzz in my ear

A distant memory; a grievous hurt; which has been forced to be suppressed.

I am the ugly woman who nursed you

Now...who will nurse me?

©2011 jan/cb

The Scar

It was 9:00am and she was running late.  What a day for traffic to be dense!  Her appointment with the surgeon was at 10am and she still needed to find parking.  This day had been planned for a few weeks but it seemed like it was just that…a plan.  Reality was starting to hit her as she maneuvered through the heavy traffic.  In the distance she saw the outline of the hospital through the treetops.  Her heart started to pound just a little harder. 

She argued with her Mother this morning before leaving the house.  She wanted to come along but then…what would she be able to do in the event of a problem?  Her Mom could not drive and the thought of her just sitting in the waiting room for her…made her more nervous.  Besides, she was in a place where if she needed medical help; well it was a hospital after all.

Refocusing on her driving, she honked her car horn at an idiot who cut her off.  There was the parking structure ahead.  The lot had some construction that needed to be done so she had to go slow.  A spot opened up on the second floor which she promptly took.  The sound of the engine died with the turn of her key.  The silence in the car filled her inside.  It made her tremble.  Taking a deep breath, making sure that only the essentials were in her purse, she opened the car door and stepped outside. 

As she walked, her thoughts touched on many things; her work, her friends, her family, her fiancé and the scar that will soon be on her face.  Yes, that scar is really what was weighing her down.  She had a career in modeling which was fun and earned her a financial reward.  Her face was always her calling card-and now.  With a deep sigh, she walked into the doctors’ waiting room. 

The receptionist greeted her with a smile, took her information and directed her to a chair.  All was quiet.  There were patients with bandaged faces, arms-hands.  A few had casts.  Nervous looks were on new patients.  She smiled to herself as she knew how they certainly felt!  She had not been sitting for too long before her name was called.  She was not ready but she followed the nurse.

The day surgery room was clean-sterile certainly had meaning here.  Her vitals were taken-blood pressure.  She supposed that it was the right thing to do and yes, her blood pressure was fine.  As instructed she disrobed and put on the fashionable medical gown.  You would think that through the years these things would get better somehow.  They were certainly functional.  The nurse was polite and professional yet she took the time to make her less nervous.  Still, those lights above her and the sterile operating bed did nothing to relieve her anxiety.  The surgeon came in, as always, a professional yet she gentle while she examined the area to be operated upon.  She promised not to make the cut too long; though she was a plastic surgeon she could only promise that the scar would not be too long. 

As she lay on the bed, the nurse swabbed her with sterile chemical and then covered her face with sterile towels.  The nurse made sure that her eyes were protected from the bright surgical lights. Her face now covered and hidden from the lights, she started to feel a detachment; maybe this would not be so bad. Soon enough, the surgeon was injecting the area with local anesthetics.  One, two, three…needle pinpricks into the skin.  Four, five, six…the numbing sensation started to kick in; seven, eight injections…with that, it that was enough.  The surgeon asked if she could feel anything.  There was no feeling, maybe a pressure but that was it.  Throughout the procedure, the surgeon spoke to her nurse and spoke with her.  She felt the pulling and the tugging as the surgeon did her work on her face.  She felt confidence in the surgeon’s skills.  Still there was a nagging fear of a scarred appearance.  Next, the cauterization of the wound on her face; the surgeon warned her that she might smell something but that would be it.  Unfortunately, there was a little pain on the edge of the wound. The surgeon quickly gave her another prick or two of anesthesia-no more pain.  A final tug, the surgeon pulled out the mass that had been growing under her skin.  The surgeon asked if she had had this for awhile as there was a great deal of scarring under the skin and around the mass.  She could tell that it had been a problem for longer than just a short time.  She did not want to tell the surgeon that it had been awhile and she was afraid to come in to have it removed.

Throughout the procedure, she clearly hear the initial cut on her skin, the tugs and the pulls, the sizzle of her skin as the wound was sealed with heat, the cutting of the silk as it was cut when the sutures were completed.  It was an experience and a worry.

All she thought about was how bad would the scar really be.

©2011 jan/cb

The Light

She walked alone through the silent streets.  She was not in a hurry-there was nowhere for her to be.  She gazed at the houses with their merry lights-she thought maybe they would spark something inside her.  She felt nothing.  Even the cold of the night did nothing to move her inside.

She had done all she could-she tried-really tried.  She thought that fences could be mended-that she could forget the past and maybe they could too.  A few nights ago she found out many truths.  A memory was destroyed; something sacred to her.  It toppled like the tower in those tarot cards she always played with.   She was so tired-mentally-emotionally. 

The fog was starting to creep in.  The streets were not as friendly anymore.  The house lights in all their bright colors were dimmed with the fog.  She wrapped her light coat tighter about her body.  She should have worn a heavier one.  Still, she walked on.  There was no place for her to go.  What used to be a safe haven has now the feel of a tomb.  Belief has been slowly dying inside her.  A few nights ago, it took its last breath-without fanfare-it just-disappeared.  Since then she has been a walking zombie.  No feelings.

In the distance she saw a bright light.  She ran towards it-a woman with a glimmer of hope.  Maybe-just maybe-a small miracle was going to happen.  She neared it and through the fog-the light bravely cut through the fog.  She stopped and stared as a small tear ran down her face.  It was only a street light-only a street light.

© 2010 24 dec/cb

Tattered Fairy

As she was approached him with a measured slowness; she enjoyed seeing his reaction to her.  She could taste his skin through the air; heard his heartbeat.  She sensed his fear but yet she also felt his lust growing.  She let her arms drop; exposing her full breasts.  Taking her time; she bit her lower lip with anticipation.  Her short skirt barely; covering her soft mound as she walked.  Her scent now permeated the air. 

Wild haired and unkempt; she had him where she wanted; caught in that sling; his hands pinned above him.  The bindings were tight enough to hold him but did not cut him.  His clothing tattered; his skin slick from perspiration.  She could see his chest move with his breathing; she could hear his heart pound.  He with his eyes intent; watched her warily.  His hair wild from days of growth; she had him here underground for a few days.  He needed to be tamed so she could play with him.  She looked forward to this very much.  Her desire for him grew; she wondered if a human could tell just what kind of desire.

He had been hunting in the woods and it became dark; more quickly than he anticipated.  He decided to camp overnight; deep in the heart of the woods.  He knew of the local legends but then again-they were only legends.  Under the growing cover of darkness he gathered wood for a fire.  He became aware of the night noises growing louder.  The seemed to be screaming when the fire was brought to life as the wind picked up with a howl.  Shadows were darting back and forth; his guard went up. 

Suddenly she was there; outlined by the light of the fire.  Her eyes burning with anger as they pierced his.  Shrieks pierced the air sending waves of pain through his head.  Tears blurred his vision the pain was so intense.  Just as suddenly, the fire died and darkness enveloped the area.  His vision blurred; his hands sought his bow.  Stumbling forward, desperate to find a way away out of the woods; he became entangled in a net as the prey he first sought.   As he was reeled upward; the shrieks became louder sending shocks of fear through his mind while pain racked his body.

He watched her; his eyes no longer blurred by constant pain; dark eyes and dirty hair; sexy and dangerous.  He knew he was helpless where he was.  His hands immobilized; his heart started to pound inside his chest; his legs cramping from the time he had been standing.  He had been down here for days and he was feeling ragged; looked ragged as well judging from the condition of his clothes.  He barely had any on; his shirt was gone and little was left of his pants.  His body fought with the fear of the unknown and remembered pain.  Those thoughts vanished as he watched her approach; his body reacted without control; lust fought to take him over.  He could smell her scent - earthy female – damn it – his body was betraying him.

She allowed the bindings to lower him; giving him some relief in his legs.  As he slid on the wall slowly to the ground; she leaned in close – breathing in his scent.  Her tongue flicked out; licking his chest then slowly to his neck; as she lowered him.  Her breasts were firm but soft against his chest; their centers hardening as his skin slid over them.  His hands were still immobilized but she reached up to make sure he was secured.  Her breasts swayed closer to his face but not close enough.  His mouth watered as his desire increased; showing with a visual hardness.

 

 Running her fingernails against his skin, she watched his reactions; making mental notes.  Her hunger was starting to get the best of her.  Slowly, she moved to his side, observing him – touching him.  Deliberately and with great slowness; she trailed her finger down his arm; the side of his chest; circling his pectoral muscles.  She enjoyed the sight of his skin reacting; she continued along her lazy trial down his abdomen and along his inner thigh.  A wicked smile curved her lips as she achieved the desired effect.  Yes, she has a strong desire for this one.   

Her fingers were a sweet torture mixing with a slight fear of the unknown.  He was her prisoner; he could not retaliate and had to stay in one position as she examined him.  He breathed in her scent; woody and female.  Her breasts brushed against his skin; lust erupting through his pores each time.  Fire from her fingers branded him with every move.  Involuntary shaky breaths escaped him as she teased his chest; trailing down to his lower abdomen as she finally stopped at his inner thigh.  He felt himself stiffen with slight pain; he needed relief. 

Her eyes now were dark with lust as she watched his reactions.  She took her finger and softly sucked it; savoring his sweat as she thought about her need.  Biting her lower lip; she sucked her finger, wetting it well.  She smiled as she bent forward and rubbed her wet finger over his swollen head on his hardened phallic.  She was rewarded with his wetness; quickly she dropped her head and flicked her tongue over him; savoring his taste.  His gasp told her he was almost ready.

She stood in front of him feeling the waves of both heat and fear.  He was magnificent in his fear; extreme virility in his bodily reactions.  Her approach signaled heavier breathing from him; his eyes darkening.   Her huntress instincts becoming stronger as her lips closed over his sensitive nipple on his chest.  She felt his heart beat even stronger; his breathing turning into moans.  As she caught his aroused nipple in her teeth; her tongue played with it.  She did the same to the other; smiling as she enjoyed his arousal. 

An involuntary gasp escaped him; her finger teasing him almost drove him to release.  He was determined not to give in.  His fears had now become less as he realized that she was not in here to torture him for his life.  She was here for a torture but of another kind; a very erotic kind.  As her mouth surrounded his nipples; they became sensitive and hard-they drove him to higher more intense lust.  Involuntarily moaning as she bite him softly; he was helpless to defend himself; rape came into his mind.

Hearing his gasps; she knew he would do her bidding.  She controlled him now; with a determined push, she straightened up.  Looking at him up and down; lingering on his swollen member; she smiled and walked away from him.  Tomorrow will be another day.

© 2010 nov 25/cb

Left Behind

The sky above her is now shadowed in darkness

The warmth of the sun is now gone

There is a chill in the air

It is safe to come out and take a chance

The light reflected by the moon is bright

Tree limbs now alive with shadowed light

She sees the stars-light from the distant past

Long forgotten destroyed planets splayed against the sky

There is a distant memory – just remembered

Of a girl with a dream – one who wished upon a star

Whose eyes were once bright with wonder and awe

With a desire for life and passion filling her every moment

Another memory takes its place

Darkness consuming the earth in a flash

Ships taking those who could leave away from disaster

An exclusive club; one she did not belong to

Left behind to fend for herself; frantic and alone

She managed for a short time until she met him

Together they forged a new life

In the now wasted earth

Living in darkness; in the bowels of the earth

The only safe place for those left behind

They grew accustomed to the lack of light

A necessity of the new life

Hair that was golden and filled with light

Is now gnarled and grey, full of knots

Her skin no longer soft but leathery and tight

Her days of youth long gone

Throwing out the bones that were his

His flesh long gone from them

His death was her survival

She survived as she never thought she could

The light of day fast approaching

She crawls back into the earth

Reminding her that once again

She was left behind

© 2010 nov 14/cb

Tangled

We had been dancing around each other for months with so many teasing words; insinuating glances-soft touches.  We really started out as friends but the feel of everything was just so charged with sensual energy.   Yes, I know he is married.  He told me many times he would never cheat on his wife but isn’t that what we have been doing?  Although we never brought it to physical passion, the words carried the images clearly.  Tonight, yes tonight, I will put this to bed literally.  She continued in her musings while she planned her outfit for the evening.  Yes, tonight the seduction will finally be realized.

He has thought about her all day.  She is a distraction at work and has been for months.  His co-workers would glance at him when they thought he was not looking...but he knew.  He felt the heat.  He needed to remind himself that he was married.  He loves his wife.  After all these years-he loves her still. She was his other half.  Comfortable was the word which came to mind.  His body betrayed his thoughts and left his emotions in turmoil; she was young and fresh; her skin smooth, her smile held promises and her eyes....yes her eyes.  She awakened lust he thought long dead.  She was not his wife and the word “comfortable” was not the word he associated with her.  He tried to concentrate on his work.  He was meeting with her tonight for dinner.  He felt an odd excitement.  She said she had a surprise.  His mind wanders a bit as his body felt warmer than usual.  He would have to wait a while to be able to stand.

As she dressed with care her thoughts recalled all the meetings from the past months.  All the tender holding of her hand in his; his dark eyes growing darker with lust; his barely contained control.  Yes, it was barely contained.  She smiled at herself as she inspected her outfit in the mirror.  Her lingerie accentuated her figure.  Pretty lace and satin but she felt a wicked need to forgo undergarments.  Yes, to completely seduce him she would have to be completely wanton.  She dropped the garments and gave herself a very critical view.  Yes, she had the firm body of the young woman she is; soft skin; full breasts.  She had a body made for sex-pure sex.  How can he resist?  A wicked smile crossed her face as she thought - not tonight!

His day finally finished and with a certain amount of guilt; he called his wife.  The lies were starting to come easier as he told her he would be home late; a business dinner with a client.  She had wished him good luck and she would not wait up as she knew he would be late.  Though he felt a little guilty he was filled with sexual excitement.  He could lie to himself all he wanted but the truth was that he wanted to do more than just dance with her.  She made him remember his youth.  He felt himself growing harder.

She stood at the entrance of the hotel restaurant as her eyes searched for him.  She found him as he stood up by the table reserved for them.  Her eyes connected to his and the world became a cocoon for the two of them only.  While she felt the eyes of others on her as she slowly crossed the room; it was his eyes and the lust she saw building there that drew her on. 

His breath stopped for a moment when she entered the room.  She was beautiful and sexy in her black dress.  Her movements across the room were as sensual as a cat in heat.  Her hair framed her face perfectly falling on her shoulders; her eyes filled with that light he loved and her lips-full and needing to be kissed.  Yes, she brought out the animal in him.

He normally did not drink-especially with her around him but tonight was a crazy night.  He could feel it.  It was the way she looked at him, touched him-she was drawing him into her more and more.  His wife becoming tucked away in his mind more and more as the evening progressed.  The wine flowed freely mixing with the scent of her perfume and soft laughter.  Escaping the dining area they somehow they made it to the room upstairs.  He held her hand gently; gave her a soft kiss on her cheek then opened the door to the suite.  He kept his eyes only on her eyes.  He feared to look anywhere else less he lose control.

As he held her hand, she was getting frustrated.  All the flirting and touching did not seem to have an effect of any kind.  He was still the same gentle man who was driving her mad with desire.  She will have to do something drastic soon before he decides to escape...again!  She had managed to un-tuck his shirt from his trousers. His face was flushed from all the wine plus she felt his hardness jump when she “accidently” brushed his trousers.  Yes, her frustrations will be answered soon.

He was in an upheaval; his mind was starting to clear.  His eyes could not believe what was in front of him.  She was even more beautiful when she was aroused.  His shirt became un-tucked somewhere along the line but he did not mind; it was the electric touch of her hand as she brushed his stiffening manhood.  Her bare shoulders drew him as did her hard nipples showing through her dress.  How he wanted to just reach out and devour her with passionate kisses.  If he had the courage he would do more-much more.

She decided to press closer; to let him feel her hot skin and her desire for him.  She moved closer and with each step he moved back.  He finally reached the wall and could not move anymore.  She kept coming-getting closer.  She reached out and placed her hands on his chest; slowly unbuttoning his white shirt.  His breathing was now starting to become a little heavier and she felt his heartbeat in his chest underneath her hands.  Her fingers caressed his nipples; she was pleased to see his reaction.  As she placed a soft kiss over his heart; his hand stroked her hair.  As she looks up, their eyes meet in a smoldering glance; she places a kiss with a gentle bite on the side of his neck.

His heart started to pound heavily in his chest as she walked closer and closer.  He backed away with each step; she finally had him against the wall; nowhere else to go.  As he felt his shirt open and the softness of her hands on his skin; he breathed in deeply of her perfume while he stroked her hair. 

He heard himself groan with pleasure; chasing away the last shadows of thoughts of his wife; as he felt her teeth on his neck.  His hands now had a will of their own as his arms wrapped themselves around her.  The feel of her skin was the softest he had felt in a very long time.  The feel of her tongue on his neck made him hot and filled with lust. 

She stepped away for a moment; in that moment the night was sealed.  She lifted her arms and untied the top of her dress; as it uncovered her body; her perfect breasts were revealed.  No longer just an illusion; his eyes took in her every detail; especially when she let the rest of the dress drop to the floor; nothing was hidden anymore.  He no longer resisted; he was tangled in her spell.

© 2010 nov 6/cb

Diary date November 7:

It’s Mom’s birthday and she wants to forget.  Forget that she had a life and that she still has one.  Forget the 60 years or so of marriage which is now dead and buried with Dad.  Forget the family she raised, cried over and sent onward into adulthood.  Yes, she wants to forget.

She has been in tears, semi-tears-silent sobs.  I am helpless in this as there is nothing I can do to make her feel better.  Celebrating her wonder-filled life has no impact on her.  The worst thing-not one person has even called her to even say hello!

Mom died the day Dad died.  She has become a walking zombie.  The worse thing is that her precious children-the favorite ones-have her buried in life.  They come by the house and leave with things.  Taking without asking or taking with pressure.  Mom is not strong enough to say no.  She thinks that if she says no...they will not come again. 

The truth is that they will not come anyway.  It is an obligation.  Someone once asked me why I stayed.  I am not her favorite-I was Dad’s.  I have put up with a lot of meanness and petty anger from her.  In a way-I am Cinderella in my own parent’s home.

I stay because she needs me...and she does not realize it.

Happy Birthday Mom...i know you cannot hear me nor want to but Happy Birthday.

© 2010 NOV 7/cb