Enduring

Nightfall comes rapidly

Signaling the end of another day

Another day with you far away

We have endured many of such days

Days which have become the norm

There is so little time for us now

It has become heartache-at least for me

A test of endurance which is now never-ending

However it is not lack of love-just the frustration of non presence

The nights have other challenge-restless dreams

Ushering in the dawn with its many daily challenges                                        

Challenges to live life and not just pass the time

MSM ©Dec 2014

FOG

This world has become one filled with pain

The light of a once happy life

Is now shrouded in fog

The sweet days of holidays are long past

They are in reality just memories

 Tainted by the forgetfulness of the human mind

How many times during the year

Have hurts and mean words been uttered?

Cutting the fragile psyche of men, women and children

There is no denying that there were good times

In fact some great times but they pale

In the remembrance of the terrible times

MSM ©November 2014

Shades of Grey

The day started out clouded

Several shades of grey

My soul in tears

It took a day of cleansing

Memories both painful and gloriously happy

To bring back the sun

When I finally looked

I found the clear water

Reflecting the shades of the rainbow

The colors which I had somehow misplaced

MSM© September 21, 2013

Then

Show me

How to sing

How to laugh

How to love

Lead me

To that place inside

To the soul which shines

To the heart which beats

Touch me

In those dark places

In those tunnels unexplored

In those moist jungles

Show me

Lead me

Touch me

Then I will show you

I am the light

I am the sound

I am the beating

Of all that exists between you and I

MSM©August 2013

Mornings

This morning I woke

I watched your face

Your eyes moved

I wondered what it was you were dreaming...


MSM©APR 2013

Death

My love dies only when the sun

Rises in the west and sets in the east

When the mountains grow into the depths of the earth

As the seas disappear from the earth to float above us

Only then will my earthly love die

But then my heavenly love begins...

©MSM MAR 2013

Song Bird

The songbirds are at it again

Singing only the way that they can

They sing of happiness as I can detect no sadness

They sing of love as they are responding to each other

It seems that my life is like this now - singing all the time

Not filled with any sorrow or pain or regrets

But a song which fills my soul and comes from the heart

It is a song of love - of happiness

© cb-may 2012

Sometimes

Sometimes all I need
Is the warmth of your hand


Sometimes all I need
Is the sound of your laughter


Sometimes-just sometimes
I just need to hear some tenderness


Sometimes I just like you
Most of the time-I love you


2012 feb 23/cb

Whispers

Names are whispered softly in the darkness

Such tenderness unabashed with a love so true

The heart pounds like the waves crashing upon the shore

They vibrate and stir my very soul

It answers in kind to that whisper so tender

Reaching a crescendo ending in a roar

No games are played here in this twilight

It takes but a moment for arousal between us

A soft breath, a tender touch lingering upon the skin

My name escapes your lips as you meet the skin of my neck

Murmuring endearments; gestures of love

A soft kiss turning carnivorous with lust

A soft sigh escapes me growing into louder groans

As soft caresses are placed upon your head

Soon it is my nails digging into your skin

Our eyes smoky with desire; lips bitten with force

A fire igniting from ashes long thought dead

Scorching both of our skins; assailing our senses

There is a magic in our touch which propels us forward

Deeper into each other with more than just the physical

It is a mystic ritual performed at will

The names whispered are those of yours my love; that of mine

As we are entwined within one another

It can be no other way

It is the last night of an old year

And the dawn of the new one

A promise of things to come

Dec 2011/cb

IF

If I should die today

I know it would not have been in vain

My life would have been filled

With the touch of the wind in my hair

The caress of the warm heat of the sun upon my skin

My lungs would have been filled with the air

Sometimes not so clean but still allowing me

To breathe and continue on another day

The sweetness of life would have been upon my lips

My tongue savoring all that is delicate and harsh

Neither of which would have been spared or withheld

The wealth of emotions would have been my playground

I would have used as well as have been used

Eventually torturing my psyche and my soul

But IF is still a long way off

I have yet to experience the softness of my love’s caress

To feel his heart beating fast and hard

After a long session of love making

The murmur of his voice in my ear in the mornings

Along with the caress from his unshaven face

The feel of his hands as he lifts me into ecstasy

There are the years ahead of shared laughter and secret smiles

Of conversations serious and fulfilling

As well as those filled with just the silliness of life

THEN and only then

When the promise of life has been finally fulfilled

When thousand of kisses have been given and stolen

When a love so strong that it crossed time and space has endured

Then death can take my hand and I will follow

I will take a long last look at my love’s face

Dancing slowly without fear death’s dance

Though the tears may cloud my eyes

The memories of the years past will flood through me

Sustaining me as my lips brush his once more before I die

© December 23, 2011/cb

Echoes

It was time to leave the real world behind for awhile.  At least this was her intention as she sat down to write.  It was time to escape into her world of imagination-of fantasy.  Now is when that song pops into her head.  Willy Wonka and all those Gobstoppers!  Not to mention the little men who help run the factory.  Hmmm…Umpalumpas!  Oh God she was straying!

Well…what is the subject for tonight?

Her thoughts turned a little more melancholic as she sat thinking of Christmas seasons from years ago.  It has always been her favorite season of the year but not these last three years. There was and has been too much sadness in her life during these last few years.  When she stopped to think about it-it only brought tears to her eyes and made her heart ache almost beyond tolerance.  She wanted to forget everything and anything but that was impossible.  The sadness within her made her who she was-how can she be anyone else?

The moments have been filled with dark and light thoughts-sometimes gray ones. Then there were those very bright moments when she felt loved and special. Those moments have far outweighed the rest. These were the moments which have been the light at the end of the tunnel-a tunnel she was still traveling through.

She stopped her writing for a short while as she sat and remembered all.  Especially those memories filled with him. His heartbeat, his touch, his laughter-he was the only true love in her life.  Now, he was so far away-her heart broke each time she thought about it.  He was also in the same place.  Plans had been disturbed and side-tracked with things beyond the control of either one of them.  The plans have been revamped-step by step, as he says.  She was always on a see-saw-but always a see-saw filled with love.  He would be home soon-he said so therefore she believes.  She has to believe-it is what is left. He made her believe again…their time was coming.

Sighing heavily she went back to her writing-then she once more-she stopped.

Her mind went back in time to when she was a child.  It was Christmas Eve; the house was dark and warm.  She was under the covers anticipating Santa’s visit.  When she saw who actually left her toys on her bed-her small heart just stopped.  Mom and Dad were placing a new doll at the foot of her bed-then they left to leave more toys around the tree.  There was no Santa-it was a harsh reality for such a small child. 

It was then she started to question her faith in the unbelievable-her small world shaken. That particular memory did not make her flinch.  If anything she became more analytical-logical.  That became her shield in life.  She questioned everything! She always found an argument pro or con.  Her Dad always said she should have been an attorney.  She always found an answer.  Not always the best one but it always finished any argument or proved the point she was trying to make.  She laughed out loud.  Gawd those were some arguments they had.  They were just too much alike.  She missed him.

Yes, her parents never held her back.  She learned to respect the point of view of others.  She accepted change-not always easily but she did flow with it.  Mostly, she became an independent spirit.  She was always the strange one-her family called her the “rebel”-she wasn’t but that is the way it fell in her life.  Wild child is really what she was underneath all the outer pinning of what society would call proper. 

Even the broken nose a few years later resulting from a misunderstanding-was hidden by the proper phrases.

Wow, memory lane time.  She had to try to write-try to get her stride back. The keystrokes were swift but still she deleted all she wrote.  There was a missing spirit in her words.

All round the edge of her mind were echoes of past experiences, memories, wants-desires.  Just on the edge-waiting to come in from the shadows.  Dark things, nasty things then there were those that were sprinkled with light and love.  These were the ones she desperately wanted to come back to her.  It was difficult-beyond difficult.

They came back in pieces-like her writing. Fragmented; lacking substance-filled with fear or filled with wonder which quickly evaporates upon the light of day.  She felt she needed to redeem herself but the cost was high-maybe too high.  She felt she always had a gun to her head.  One wrong move and her existence would be wiped away.

She remembers well other times in the past feeling like this.  She remembers the loss, the loneliness.  It was the darkness that she could not escape then. Her soul was in constant pain-worse she lost the desire to live.  She did not want to visit that dark place again.  She was nearly lost-swallowed whole.

Echoes, that is all. Just echoes of things past and no shade of the future to be seen. These shades had life only if she allowed them to interfere with her present. The one echo-the only echo she needed was the one that lit the end of the tunnel.

She tried once again but it was useless. Her concentration was lost for the moment.  She needed to make a decision and chose a path; she can’t be a victim anymore.  She shut down the laptop.  She needed to clear her mind.  At least-for the moment, she is walking away from the shades of the past which still echoed in her mind.

©2011 december/cb

Conversation with Daddy

I can't believe that you've been gone so long now. I still hear your voice and hear your sage advice. It has only been a short three years in time but for me it has been an eternity.

I just wanted to talk with you-hear those awful jokes you always told to make all of us laugh.  Most especially those jokes you told when you knew I was angry with you for some stupid thing.  Yes, it was usually me getting upset over things that went wrong but still-I miss your jokes.

You know, since the day you were buried at the mausoleum-I have not been back. That is not where you are for me.  The place smells of death-quiet.  That is not a place for you.  You were always the life of the party.  Joking with everyone and making sure that everyone was comfortable.  I am sure that you probably have tried to liven up that dead place but I don't think our ancestors there had much of a sense of humor.  In fact, they probably kicked you out and you were probably laughing because you wanted to leave! Oh Daddy...it is not right that you are in that cold place alone.

Well, I am not here to cry-I am crying because I do miss you but honestly-that is not the reason for our conversation today.  

What I wanted to tell you Daddy is that I am finally at peace with myself.  Yes, some things have been difficult and many changes have happened since you left.

It was a good thing you were not here to see those changes.  You would have been very sad and you would not have been able to help.  Graduations have been accomplished, divorces and some upcoming marriages as well! 

The marriage is why I am here today with you.  Yes Daddy, mine. I have to laugh because now I know that you cannot bring out the shotgun as you did when I was younger.  You managed to scare off a few suitors but not this one Daddy. He is not the kind to run away.  You would like him.  In fact, you both have much in common.  One is that you both love me!  Mostly Daddy, you would approve of him, he is a good man with a kind heart; intelligent and knows his way in this world.  Your politics might clash but that is okay.  It is good for the heart to have the blood flowing with some controversy. 

I wish you were here to give your blessing.  You know me, I don't want your consent-just your understanding and maybe a smile or two. 

Anyway, Daddy, you are in my heart always.  On my wedding day, you will be at my side as well.

I will be back later-to talk a little more. 

I am always be your little girl....

© cb-sept 2011

Conversación con Papá 

No puedo creer que ha pasado tanto tiempo. Todavía oigo su voz y puedo escuchar tus sabios consejos. Sólo ha sido unos cortos tres años en el tiempo, pero para mí ha sido una eternidad. 

Yo sólo quería hablar contigo - oír esos chistes horribles tuyos y que siempre nos hace a todos reír. Muy especialmente aquellas bromas de los que me decias  cuando estaba enojada contogo  por alguna estupidez. Sí, fue por lo general-you quien estaba enojada por cosas que salian mal, pero aún echo de menos tus chistes. 

Sabes, desde el día en que te enterraon en el mausoleo-Yo no he vuelto. Ese lugar no es lo que tú eres para mí. Ese lugar huele a muerte-silenciosa. Que no es un lugar para ti. Siempre fuiste el alma de la fiesta. Bromeando con todo el mundo y asegurarse de que todos al tu arrededor estaban cómodos. Estoy muy segura de que has tratado de darle vida a este lugar muerto, pero no creo que nuestros antepasados  tenían mucho sentido del humor. De hecho, es probable que te expulsaron y tu te reías debido a que querías salir! Aye papá ... no es justo que te encuentres en ese lugar frío y solo. 

Bueno, yo no estoy aquí para llorar.  Si lloro pero es porque te echo de menos. La verdad es, tengo otra razón para nuestra conversación de hoy. 

Lo que quiero decirte Papá es que finalmente estoy en paz conmigo misma. Sí,es cierto-algunas cosas han sido difíciles y muchos cambios han ocurrido desde que te fuiste. 

Fue una suerte que no estabas aquí para ver los cambios. La tristesa en tu Corazon te hubiera matado de seguro y no habiera manera de poder ayudar. Graduaciones se han cumplido, los divorcios y algunos matrimonios próximo también!

Sobre el matrimonio es el por que estoy aquí hoy contigo. Sí papá, es la mía. Me tengo que reír, porque ahora sé que no se puede llevar a cabo la escopeta como lo has hecho cuando era más joven. Se las arregló para asustar a algunos pretendientes, pero no a pa él papá-él no es el tipo de huir. De hecho, ambos tienen mucho en común y uno de ellos es que ambos me quieren mucho! Sobre todo papá, él es un buen hombre con un corazón bondadoso, inteligente y conoce su camino en este mundo. Su política puede estar en contradicción, pero eso está bien. Es bueno para el corazón que la sangre que fluye con una cierta controversia. 

Me gustaría que estuvieras aquí no tanto por tu bendición. Tu me conoces, yo no quiero tu consentimiento, sólo tu comprensión y tal vez una sonrisa ….o dos. 

De todos modos, Papá, estás en mi corazón siempre. El día de mi boda, estarás a mi lado también.

Volveré más al rato y seguimos platicando. 

Siempre soy y seria ciendo tu niña .... 

© cb-sept 2011

Living Ink

My fingers slowly trace the lines of the last letter you wrote to me.  Funny how with the simple sensation of the ink raised upon a simple sheet of paper can invoke such memories - feelings.  My eyes slowly well with tears – there is too much pain still.

Still holding that precious sheet of tangible memory, I take a deep breath to hold myself together.  I try to clear my mind, still my heart, quiet my soul but it does me no good.  At unexpected times of the day – it hits with a vengeance.  Try as I might I can’t let go.

It has been four years but still you are deep inside me.  The flavor of your skin and your scent is still embedded in my memory.  Your laughter resonates in my mind – I hear your voice at odd times.  There are times where I see you or at least that is what my eyes seem to think.

This letter – this living ink – is all that is left of you.  We live on in my mind and I am going crazy….

© cb-june 2011

Soul Path

From the moment she spoke with him she knew there was something there-a connection that could not be denied.  There was a comfort-a warmth-a desire that was felt.  It was a line of electricity-a path that was travelled before though neither one of them knew it at the time.

Old souls-isn’t it what they call it?  No wait-soul mates; yes that was it.  How many times had she had this conversation with her friends; all of us gathered in a bar or at dinner while we spouted the beatitudes of soul mates. Nothing prepared her for what happened tonight.  She was floored!  She had never felt this instant recognition of another soul before.  To know his touch before it was even upon her skin.  To feel his heartbeat-his scent-his laughter!  She never thought-well maybe she over-thought!

It had started out slowly-a lovers dance.  Slow, sensual in every nuance.  Conversation was easy-the small gestures were natural. The feeling of trust was mutual.  It was not questioned at all.  As the evening progressed; they became lost in each other’s eyes-drowning within each other.  Before they realized what was happening-here they were.

His touch set off electricity within her.  Her reactions were swift and sure-it was what he craved-needed.  She knew his needs as sure as she knew her own; without hesitation she followed where her soul led.  She was inside him; his mind; his heart; his soul.  She closed her eyes and his touch took over her body.  His lips; tongue; his tenderness; his scent-all combined in a heady perfume. Their mutual need fueled their passions combining and entwining their souls even more. Where he led-she followed blindly; mirroring all of his moves without thought-just instinct.  The night passed into the early morning hours.  Passionate moaning hit crescendos neither had experienced in the recent past-nothing prepared them for the explosions within them.  It left them drained but happy.

She turned to watch his face as the moonlight softly lit his features.  His face strong and masculine yet there was a softness about it.  Never mind the shadow growing on his face-she wanted to touch him but feared waking him.  His dark hair tousled from the nights love-making was endearing to her. Instead she snuggled up closer to him; he turned and with a naturalness of habit; he put his arms around her and held her.

His words still whispered in her mind “The path of my soul is toward you”…

©2011 may/cb