IF

If I should die today

I know it would not have been in vain

My life would have been filled

With the touch of the wind in my hair

The caress of the warm heat of the sun upon my skin

My lungs would have been filled with the air

Sometimes not so clean but still allowing me

To breathe and continue on another day

The sweetness of life would have been upon my lips

My tongue savoring all that is delicate and harsh

Neither of which would have been spared or withheld

The wealth of emotions would have been my playground

I would have used as well as have been used

Eventually torturing my psyche and my soul

But IF is still a long way off

I have yet to experience the softness of my love’s caress

To feel his heart beating fast and hard

After a long session of love making

The murmur of his voice in my ear in the mornings

Along with the caress from his unshaven face

The feel of his hands as he lifts me into ecstasy

There are the years ahead of shared laughter and secret smiles

Of conversations serious and fulfilling

As well as those filled with just the silliness of life

THEN and only then

When the promise of life has been finally fulfilled

When thousand of kisses have been given and stolen

When a love so strong that it crossed time and space has endured

Then death can take my hand and I will follow

I will take a long last look at my love’s face

Dancing slowly without fear death’s dance

Though the tears may cloud my eyes

The memories of the years past will flood through me

Sustaining me as my lips brush his once more before I die

© December 23, 2011/cb

Diary Date November 6

The day started out easy enough.  The rain woke me with its incessant beating against my bedroom window.  It is just another day of taking one breath after another-not life.  I feel the warmth of my body but there is no warmth beside me.  I am alone.

The central heat kicked in again.  It tells me that the night was chilly enough for the computer to know that the humans within the house would be cold.  Imagine that!  I wonder if we would survive without the computers in our lives.  They seem to guide our daily moments in our lives.  Well, at least in mine it does.  Would I be able to survive without it?  I wonder…

With that thought in mind, I rose into the slightly cool air and proceeded to dress.  It helped to feel the cool.  At least, the lethargy that gets to me everyday seems to leave me-if at least for a few moments.  If I were to be honest with myself, it is not lethargy-it is depression. 

There was a time in my life where I just floated along in life.  It did not matter how I did things.  I always managed to get by.  I was able to help others because it came easy to me.  I could find what I needed-it seemed that all I needed to do was just reach out and there it was.  These days it does not happen as often.  Maybe, just maybe, I have stopped believing in happy endings.   Maybe I have lost control of my own destiny.

I am just a vessel without direction.  There was no need to hurry.  No place to be, no appointments-worse-no one to be with.  These days are becoming a way of life now. 

©2011 november/cb

Somewhere In Time

I closed my eyes last night exhausted from the day


Soon I entered my escape; my dream world


I wandered among the fields of gold and green


Covered with poppies, butterflies and sweet smells

In the distance was a large white house


White with a pure innocence trimmed with green


It seemed to float atop a field of green grasses


The long drive was lined with oak trees as tall as the heavens






In the distance you could hear the singing of gospel songs


A comforting sound punctuated by the sounds of the horses


The scent of magnolias and cabbage roses filled the air


The crunch of the gravel beneath my feet told me this was real






In the distance; to one side of the house there was a figure


It was a man chopping wood; sweaty from the work in the sun


There were others whitewashing the side of the house


Behind me the sound of a trotting horse alerted me






Sitting astride the his saddle he cut quite a figure


His laughter caught my attention until I realized what I wore


Then all I could do was blush which only made him laugh more


The sheerness of my nightgown did nothing to hide my figure






He jumped down from his horse and quickly placed his coat on me


His fingers lightly brushed my shoulders making me shiver


His voice was still filled with laughter as he asked me if I was ok


This made me blush furiously as now I knew I was very exposed!






He turned me around to talk to me face to face, my face turned up


The sun high in the sky blinded me for a moment, blurring my vision


With a sudden breath I opened my eyes as I realized this was not a dream


The city traffic noises floated through my window as I realized it was dawn







© 2010 4 jun/cb

Fading

Dreams; nothing more than memories

The things we did; of what we planned

The murmuring of all the endearments

Soft laughter full of sensual meaning

Eyes sparkling in the light of the moon



Each moment is treasured; each emotion catalogued

The pleasures, the disagreements, the reunions

Each word full of flavor with all its nuances

Love in all its glory; compassion and pitfalls

Even anger and disappointment; communication rectified



Dreams; these memories are fragile in this condition

Writing fades upon parchment; turning into dust

Visual views of these pages are limited

The sands of time-whatever that reality is

Cannot be held by the flesh of my hands



Be in my dreams forever as the reality

Makes no sense in the light of day

The granules of time; like sand

Seems to slip between my fingers

Leaving me with empty hands



Keep me in forever; where we will always be happy

Where the flames of love and affection will never fade

Demons and angels accompany us; that too is real there

Our dreams will be continue therein; never false

Hold me tight; my dreams are fading fast...













© 2010 30 may/cb

Guardian Angel

Man on the moon


High up in the sky


Round and bright


You are tonight






Looking down


Upon this earth


Smiling upon


Those sleeping below






Peeking into dreams


Seeking one to grant


A something special


A gift so divine






Counting heads


As they count sheep


Finally you come upon


The one in need






Gently oh so gently


Your bright light


Softly kisses


The fortunate one






A blessing laid


Upon that brow


Deep sighs escaping


The sleeping form






With deep satisfaction


You hurry back


To your place


Upon the moon






Back to the light


High up in the sky


Guardian angel


Of silent prayers





© 2010 may 26/cb